John Grant: Global Warming

You people and your cute little terms - 

You like to throw 'em around and make everybody squirm:

Upper class, middle class, lower class, sassafras.

Everybody these days thinks that they're a bad-ass.

How am I supposed to live in a world with no Madeline Kahn?

My favourite girl is gone.

Bonny Dune's is now an Auto Zone.
Thirty-one is trash. Now I just want to be left alone.

Global warming is ruining my fair complexion,

Augmenting all my imperfections,

And Brazil does not need more encouragement.

Global warming encourages slack-jawed troglodytes

To leave their homes with guns and knives

In search of quality refreshments and some homicide.

So sick of hearing people talk about the sun.

They sound like a bunch of Aztec Indians,

And all they do is hang out clogging up the streets,

Congratulating each other on their pedicured feet.

Sure I like to see the fellas skateboard in their Vans,

Stripped down to their shorts so they can work on their tans.

I know I shouldn't care cause I'm a taken man

But I guess you can look, nobody said that you can't.

All I've got are first-world problems.

I guess I better get some of the third-world kind.

John Grant at Shaky Knees 2015